For Diane

This week, my congregation suffered an incalculable loss. And, as a pastor, I lost not only a leader’s leader, whose strong head was only overmatched by a stronger heart, but I lost a friend and a mentor as well.  She “got” Christ’s heart for the world as well as anyone I’ve ever met. Her courage, her wit, her perceptiveness, and most of all, her unflinching resolve that the “tomb is empty” will continue to influence me for the rest of my life.

I was honored a couple years ago, when she expressed how meaningful she found this prayer that I had wrote. When I went back and read it again in my mourning, I realized that it had become far more profound in light of her faith, her generous spirit, and her courageous, decade-long fight with cancer, than when I first wrote it. She was someone with "fire in the bones" who truly believed that one's life should count for someone else. I thought about saying “I dedicate this prayer to her,” but she was so large and dynamic a personality, that I want to avoid implying that her life could ever be encompassed by any one memorial. So I’ll just say, it’s hers if she wants it, though I don't know that she has much use for it now from her new perspective. And if she is rolling her eyes at me for making such a big fuss over her, I’d wouldn’t mind seeing that again, either. I believe that I will, one day.

Lord, give me a lifetime not of assurance but of yearning,

Not of ease in my mind but of fire in my bones,

Not of happiness with myself but of joy in my neighbor.

And if you will reassure me,

Reassure me that I’ve fought the good fight for something that matters.

If you will put me at ease,

Ease my fear of the lukewarm,

A life devoid of passion and purpose.

If you will comfort me,

Comfort me that I will not find my repose while my neighbor still hurts.

Give me courage to live out the desire deeper than my desires—

The desire of my secret heart—

That would rather be with you in pain than alone in comfort…

Until there are no more crosses and all tombs are empty,

As it will surely someday be.

Amen.

You were right. “Love is a verb,” Diane. But you can rest now. God is good.